Friday, December 15, 2006
























For years I've tried to experience the moment of falling asleep, but its eluded me. One moment I'll be awake, waiting to fall asleep, and then the next, I'll be asleep.
I can never capture the transition.

And death is like that. You never actually experience it. The last thing you'll be aware of is the last moment of your life. You wont even know when you've died that you've died. The other people, if there are people present, will know. They'll say, "He's dead." Just as when you fell asleep, they'd say "He's asleep." But you wont know anything.

Jeroen knew. Part of the allure of suicide. Fortokening the afterword,
the final entry to his final exit.

I would like to think he saw into a world beyond his experience, as all great poets do. I would like to think he could see all of his friends gathered here, in this dissolute place, the wake of a beautiful mind born to blush unseen.

I would like to think he knew how much he'd be missed.

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[fnis]
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